Monthly Archives: October 2015

The Logic of Leave-taking

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O: So, Honorable Pumpkin, I’m leaving.
Me: I believe you.
O: You believe me? What does that mean?
Me: Nothing! Good luck with your errands.
O: Oh, you mean because 4 hours ago I said I was gonna leave for church. Well, now I’m leaving for real.
Me: And I believe you.
O: Oh, you mean because 2 hours ago I said I was gonna walk around the lake. Yeah, but that was different. That plan changed long ago!
Me: Okay. See you.
Front door closes. Front door opens.
Me: Okay, now I don’t believe you.
O: Ha! I forgot my wallet. Now, I’m leaving.
Front door closes. Front door opens.
O: Sweetie, I forgot my phone. I’m gone.
Front door closes. Front door opens.
O: Yeah, M’s wife just called; she’s in town; I just came back ‘cuz I thought you’d want to know. Okay, bye.
Front door closes. Front door opens.
Me: Oh. My. God.
O: So, I got out to the car and realized I was hungry. And I left some plantain chips here, so I’m not really coming back; I’m just picking up the chips.
Me: I need a Valium.

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